does that look dark to you?

My hypochondria is running rampant. I'm getting a little freaked out that almost all the drugs that I've been prescribed in the past two years are being pulled. I don't know which prescription painkillers I can abuse anymore. Yesterday, Bextra was pulled from the market by the FDA, citing an increased risk of heart attack and stroke. Their website says that Bextra "is a powerful medicine for the joint pain of osteoarthritis and adult rheumatoid arthritis, and painful menstrual cramps". I don't remember seeing my dealer doctor for cramps. And it didn't feel all that powerful when I took it. The FDA says, "Bextra and other NSAID medications can cause serious problems such as liver damage." Great, as if my lifestyle didn't already do enough damage to that organ. Continuing, "Some of the warning signs of liver damage are nausea, vomiting, tiredness, loss of appetite, itching, yellow coloring of skin or eyes, “flu-like” symptoms and dark urine." I'd love to get that loss of appetite symptom, but sadly, no. The itching did happen and that perplexed me, but nausea, vomiting, and tiredness I just attributed to my hangover or bad dating decisions. The yellowness of skin, gee I'm Asian, so who can tell? And I wish they'd define "dark urine". You know, it'd be a good idea to have color swatches on the site. I can't find a suggestion box on their site. According to the FDA site, side effects can include:

Indigestion
Nausea
Stomach pain
Upper respiratory tract infection
Diarrhea
Unexplained weight gain
Headache

Aha! It wasn't Haagen Daz or Ye Olde Taco House, it was Bextra that caused my weight gain. I'm glad they cleared that up for me. I only experienced six out of seven symptoms. Is that bad?

They also warn against taking Naprosyn, a drug used for the management of mild to moderate pain, fever, and inflammation. If the FDA keeps this up I'll only have Vicodin and Vodka to help me get through the day.