I hit some new lows on a bad date a few Saturday nights ago. He's an actor. All my reasons for going out with him are lame and shallow. I told myself I wouldn't go out with any more actors. I may need to have that tattooed somewhere so I don't ever forget.
We met on the set of that last film I worked on a few months ago. I realized upon meeting him that he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he was very sweet so I swept that little detail under the rug. JM and I spent a lot of time together on the set and got to know each other pretty well. Yeah, he was still dumb. But because he was so charming, I pretended it didn't matter. It took a few months because of rotten scheduling, but he was persistent and I liked being pursued, so there we were on a date. And there was no escaping it, he was still dumber than a box of rocks.
We went to the Arclight to catch a movie. I was eager to see Capote - he hadn't heard of it. Or Philip Seymour Hoffman. I suggested Good Night, and Good Luck - I noticed there was a glaze over his eyes, then blankly, "Huh?" We went through a couple more options but he didn't seem enthused or know about any of the films showing that night. Hmm, I thought actors were supposed to know something about that shit.
"What do you want to see?" I wondered out loud.
He flashed a big smile, "Hey, Wallace and Gromit! Do you like Wallace and Gromit?"
I like Wallace and Gromit. But this guy had been asking me out throughout filming and for months afterwards. It finally happens, an actual Saturday night date - not a bullshit meet for drinks mid-week and we'll play it by ear date, a real Saturday night main event date - and he wants to see Wallace and Gromit at the Arclight.
He suggested we get a drink since there was so much time before any feature started. We went to the upstairs bar, settled into a cozy sofa with a couple glasses of champagne, and talked about the film he's promoting now. Mostly, he talked and I drank. About the film he's promoting now. The screenplay he's writing. The film he's promoting now. The screenplay he's reading. The film he's promoting now. His hair. His workout. The film he's promoting now. Thankfully, he got more champagne, even though he wasn't drinking so much as watching the bubbles float up.
Then he told me that he was in love with a Russian woman. Okay, I was curious, "How long have you been in love with this woman?"
"A few months."
Even though I knew the answer, I paused and pretended to think before asking, "Is that the same few months that you've been asking me out?"
"Why have you been asking me out for months and why are we out right now if you're in love with someone else?"
"She's married to someone else."
"So since you can't be with her..."
He smiled, and as slime oozed out of every pore, he said, "Celia, there's no denying the chemistry between us."
I almost did a spit-take. I drank more champagne instead. Mine and then his.
"Even T said something about it."
What did he just say?! Background: T was the producer of the film we worked on. T asked me out several times during pre-production and filming, once in front of the entire cast and crew, but we hadn't gone out yet because of scheduling issues. JM and T don't like each other and often had terse conversations re the production.
Carefully, I asked, "T said something about...?"
"During filming, T came up to me and said, 'So I noticed you and Celia are really getting along.' So I'm like, 'No duh. Yeah we have good chemistry.'"
Ugh. Why does it make my skin crawl every time he says "good chemistry"?
"Then he asked, 'So are you going to ask her out?' and I told him I already had."
Hmm, so that's why T backed off. If I were him and found out I was going out with that dumbass I'd probably reconsider going out with me, too.
Then it was time for Wallace and Gromit. I remember wishing I was stoned and not just slightly drunk. Right before going in the movie, JM went to the concession stand and loaded up on hotdogs, popcorn, red vines and soda. He ate throughout the movie and fell asleep for about 20 minutes after he finished the red vines. When he woke up, he asked, "Uh, what'd I miss?"
Nothing. Just me kicking myself repeatedly.