attention downtown literati

If you don't already have your copy of Los Angeles Noir, then this is your lucky weekend. As Ed has already noted on his blog, a few of the contributing authors will be signing the well-reviewed book this Saturday at Metropolis Books. The website doesn't say which of the 17 authors will be in attendance, but a reliable source tells me that a Jim Pascoe reading is in the cards, "especially if enough of you show up and demand it!" I'll be there to get my copy signed and to demand a reading - I strongly urge readers of this blog to do the same. Maybe we can all get a drink somewhere afterwards.

Also on the same day and just around the corner from Metropolis, Crewest Gallery will be hosting a book signing for Yo! What Happened to Peace? in conjunction with their five-year anniversary festivities. This book sounds amazing - 144 full-color pages of handcrafted anti-war and pro-peace posters with more than 200 prints by 125 artists, with an introduction by punk art legend Winston Smith and a street-ready stencil cover. Prints will also be available for sale.

In addition to the signing, there will be a Unification Theory performance/event featuring the artwork of fellow Yo! artists Man One, Gustavo Garcia Vaca and Overton Loyd. Although the book signing will be from 5-7pm, there will be DJs spinning music until 10pm.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again - I love my neighborhood.

Los Angeles Noir Book Signing
Metropolis Books
440 S. Main Street (between 4th and 5th streets)
Los Angeles 90013
ph: 213.612.0174

Yo! What Happened To Peace Signing
Crewest
110 Winston St. (between Main and Los Angeles Streets)
Los Angeles, CA 90013
tel (213) 627-8272

free beer in little tokyo

Official VC Asian Pacific Film Festival after-party at the Far Bar tonight:

HK 1960 is a night celebrating the style, fashion & romance of an era that now only exists on the silver screen.

The Far Bar
347 E 1st Street
Little Tokyo, 90012

Wednesday, May 9th, 2007
Doors open 9 P.M.
Free Heineken until 10:30 P.M.

Mahjong | 60'S Pop | Vintage Polaroids

Period attire is strongly encourage. Dazzle us all.

Damn, my cheongsam is at the cleaners.

search terms that brought you here

his name was julio
Clouseau massage
how to dance techno
recipe for venezuelan brownies
pitchers of hot monkey sex
sedated bride
up and coming neighborhoods in los angeles
best lasagna
sex while wearing shoes pictures
finger my ass
yourLA
bad girls club
who wants to be a superhero
throwdown fireworks
amerland group jeremy turner
holly bottle warhol clips
free beer
adam's tree "toy"
spiderman pics
33 club
club fantasy 4th street
curt gibbs
lebowski cell phone ring
hello kitty hotel
colin farrell ice bar
nikon f2 case
morphine induced
to make a phone holder
charlie o's spring
being a responsible adult
ass shaking
vegetarian tamales
first fuck
neighborhood clothing
silversun pickups
5thandspring amateur barbarian
spring hair event in uk
sex during bachelorette parties
bikini a go-go
blogdowntown douglas building
so long farewell auf wiedersiehn goodbye song
foot model contest
handmade wedding invitations
nikon 12 for sale
house md screen shot
hello kitty vibrator
asspig

and my personal favorite:

the whore peed on me

"in the year 2000"

Much like like CurbedLA, I dig video. Especially video that shows downtown in the future.


I used to live in South Park, which is the residential area of downtown closest to the LA Live project. When Jim and I had dinner at The Pantry the other night, I was blown away by how different my old neighborhood looked, how much construction rendered the place unrecognizable to me. I say, bring it on.

some film crews just don't change

Despite what FilmLA has posted on their website about filming downtown, it seems like some things just don't change - like commercial film crews filming wherever they want, residents and businesses be damned. I've mentioned before that we still hadn't received any notifications for recent shoots where we heard extremely loud and disturbing simulated gunfire, but here's another instance where the crew continued shooting, even after the FilmLA reps on location were notified. But of course, they were ready to hand out a few benjamins after they got their shot. The following is from Julie Rico, posted on the DLANC Residents mailing list:

Tue May 8, 2007 9:08 pm (PST)
"Today a group called Gearhead decided to shoot just outside the Red Dot Gallery Window. There is a permit called a block permit. The officer (Carr) showed it too me that allowed him to shoot wherever they want except for the arts district, chinatown and one other area. Our area was not on the exempt list. According to Carr they have not been formally told about the change in policy. Part of our agreement is now on the front page of Film LA and I brought out the paperwork so that Officer Carr could see it. He called some women over at Film LA and of course they finished their shoot, we are not on the documents anymore. I have a feeling these documents will be coming up here and there. Not cool.

I staged a protest but to no avail. Waay after the shoot some guy named Jeff came over and gave me $300. It was a Chevy commercial."

Looks like FilmLA shouldn't congratulate themselves just yet on being such good guys just because they posted conditions for filming downtown (as if it were their idea and not because of community pressure). It doesn't seem like FilmLA's word counts for much. Why am I not surprised? These guys lost their credibility with me a long time ago. Did I mention that their contract to issue film permits for the City of Los Angeles is up in June? I wonder how many complaints have to be lodged against them for someone to realize they shouldn't be awarded another contract.

has it really been that long?

Two years ago today, my sister Laura married my ex-loftmate James in what is now the loft that Jim and I live in. After the ceremony and a dessert reception on the patio, we all took a candlelit walk down the street to Cole's for the real reception.



Their wedding was so beautiful and one of the brighter moments during her 14-month battle with cancer. I look at this and other pictures, re-read what I wrote about it, and while I love seeing her so happy, I can't help but cry. I miss her so much.

"you offend me, you offend my family"

Thanks to my friends Hank and Berda, Angel and I attended a really fun VIP reception and the opening night festivities at the VC Asian Pacific Film Festival last night. Poor Jim caught some bug and stayed home. I forged ahead, but stupidly decided not to bring my camera, thinking I wouldn't need it. Luckily Berda brought hers and took the pics below (thanks Berda!).

I have mixed feelings about FINISHING THE GAME. It's a mockumentary about the search for the new Bruce Lee and while it had its moments, I don't know that I can get behind it. It's like the cool indie film your friend made, not necessarily something you'd see because it was playing near you. There were some cool cameos, some very good acting, and really great use of some of my favorite character actors. In any case, opening night was fun and you couldn't swing a dead cat over your head without hitting an actor you recognized but couldn't place. There were, of course, some exceptions.


James Kyson Lee, from HEROES and emcee of the opening night ceremonies, graciously poses with me and Berda.


Ron Jeremy, who made an appearance in FINISHING THE GAME, poses with me at the post-screening reception.



Did I mention that it was open bar?


Or that Hank was jacked up on sweets (there was a post-screening dessert reception)?


I was feeling a little under the weather, so I didn't "work the room" or anything. But minutes after we sat down in the theatre, a well-known actor/comedian (who I promised not to name) sat down in front of me. Berda and Hank sat behind us, engrossed in conversation with some programming director from another film festival. I think I was telling Angel about Pastagina when this actor/comedian turned around to see who was making all the 'gina jokes. We started talking - he was bummed because his movie just came out and "tanked horribly." I told him I didn't see his film - that I was invited to the premiere party, but not to the screening of the actual film. Who the hell does that?

Of course once people around us realized that the actor/comedian was talking to people and not being all Greta Garbo, everyone tried to jump into the fray. We both sat on the aisle, so people would come up to him and interrupt our conversation so they could suck up. In between interruptions, he'd say things like, "This is so depressing," or, "They're just trying to get something out of me, like for me to wear their shirts or shoes so they can get free advertising," and "The blogs hate me, they're the worst. They just tear me apart, saying how much I suck."

I then promised (because he was so depressed), "I won't say bad things about you on my blog."

He then asked, "Please don't write about this on your blog, or don't say it was me! I'm going to get so much shit, saying how depressed I am because the movie tanked!"

Then this white chick comes up and awkwardly tells him how she loves him and then said nothing else, but stood there staring at him intently. So I whispered in his ear, "Dude, I think she wants to fuck you." He looked at Angel, then at me, hesitating to reply. Finally the girl leaves and he says, "Maybe I should date an Asian girl."

You know, before I married Jim, I was the beneficiary of that kind of thinking. I replied, "Yeah, I used to date an Asian chick. But Asian guys never asked me out."

He replied, "Yeah, Asian chicks and Asian guys never ask me out either."

come for the booze, stay for the movie

Tonight is opening night for the Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival, is anybody else going to see the opening night film or attending the party? Open bar, baby.

Things actually got underway last night with a party at the Far Bar in Little Tokyo, but I punked out and stayed home instead. I'm not sure what other films I'll be screening, but if you don't have plans, I strongly suggest you check out the festival - I've yet to be disappointed by any of the features or docs I've screened here in all the years I've attended. The shorts, however, are another story.

the new cw

This morning, I went to the DMV to get my name changed on my driver's license. It seemed like I was the only one in the joint who made an appointment. I walked in, strolled past the long-ass, no-appointment line, and went to the head of the appointments line. The clerk helped me immediately, annoying everyone standing in line next to me. I sat down with my numbered slip, looking at the monitor for my number to be called. There was a couple sitting behind me and I asked them, "Have you guys been waiting a long time?"

The woman let out a loud sigh, "Yes, forever."

"Did you make an appointment or did you walk in?"

The man shook his head, "No, we should've made one. We've been here all morning."

She asked, "What number do you have?"

I showed her my slip, she showed me hers. I seemed to be quite a ways behind them. So I fired up my iPod, inserted the earbuds and watched the drama unfold around me. Even with the earbuds in I could hear this woman screaming at a clerk, her head full of pink rollers shaking violently. I don't know how the people working there do it, I would go from zero to batshit in record time. Then the woman sitting behind me tapped my shoulder, "Isn't that your number on the screen?"

I looked up. Yeah, that's me. Damn, that was quick. I thanked her and made my way across the room. The clerk shuffled a few papers, tapped something into a computer, and then directed me to yet another window to take my picture. The woman in pink curlers was standing ahead of me in line, pulling her curlers out, complaining that she wouldn't look good in her picture because she didn't know she had to retake her picture. She finally yanked them all out and patted her hair down, yelling the whole time about trying to look good. The clerks behind the desk were poker-faced, but as soon as she left, the one taking pictures turned to her co-worker and said, "She crazy." The co-worker just shook her head and said, "That's my people."

They snapped my picture and I asked, "Does it look okay? Because I think I left a curler in." Stonefaced and ignoring a perfectly good joke, she turned the monitor around so I could see. I made a face.

"You don't like it? It looks cute."

I shrugged, figuring they weren't going to do a reshoot "Eh."

I turned and walked away, but I was only ten feet away when I heard them laughing and they called me back.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No, we just got your joke," they laughed. "Do you want to take your picture again?"

So they took another picture and I asked, "How does it look?"

She didn't even bother to turn it around. "Exactly the same."

Right after lunch I dealt with getting my name changed on my passport. Since my old one was issued less than a year ago, there's no charge for changing my name. But for whatever reason, it took three employees to get my re-application together. So helpful. Then I was asked to sign the application, raise my right hand, and swear everything on the application was true. I picked up the pen to write, but then I hesitated, "Sign using which name? The new one or the old one?"

"The new one, baby. That's your only name now."

weekend full of jim

I can't believe it's already Tuesday and I still haven't told you about my weekend. Jim has been telling me for ages (ok, a little over a year) about this donut place near Harvey Mudd (his alma mater) that has amazing donuts filled with fresh strawberry goodness. So after sitting on this information for too long, I got it in my mind that we had to go this past Saturday. Jim agreed. So I call Angel and tell him we're all going to Glendora for strawberry donuts.



It took us an hour, but Jim the Donut Man was worth leaving downtown for. Those strawberry donuts? It was like strawberry and glazed donut sex in my mouth. I also tried the bavarian cream, which was like creamy filling and chocolate-glazed donut sex in my mouth. The tiger tails were good, too. I don't remember what happened after that.



Then on Sunday night, we had Jim (fresh from the FOB to promote his book, LA Noir) and Gabrielle over for dinner, to thank them once again for guest-blogging and loft-sitting for us while we were in Hawaii. My Jim made margaritas using our new blender (thanks Jeff!), we caught up on each other's lives, barbecued some Hawaiian chicken and sesame salmon, they watched Sopranos, and Reverend Jim schooled me on graphic novels and comic books. Thanks again Jim and Gabrielle, for keeping the loft and the blog safe.

I don't think we can allow anymore people named Jim, James, or Angel into our lives, not unless they have a nickname, like Tastypants. Then it's okay. Otherwise, it's getting too confusing.

we're #1

The American Lung Association just released their list of the most polluted cities in the country and Los Angeles is number one on the list of Metropolitan Areas Most Polluted by Short-term Particle Pollution, number one on the list of Metropolitan Areas Most Polluted by Year-Round Particle Pollution, and lastly, number one on the list of 25 Most Ozone-Polluted Cities.

Downtown Los Angeles may be the third bloggiest neighborhood in the country, but we're number one in breathing air that sucks. Whooo! I love LA! From the American Lung Association's website:

The American Lung Association State of the Air 2007 report grades communities across the nation based on the number of days they have unhealthful levels of air pollution. The grades come from the color-coded alert system called the Air Quality Index, which may be familiar from newspaper, radio, television and on-line weather forecasts.

march through downtown

It's so noisy downtown, what with all the news helicopters flying around trying to get a good shot of the May 1st rally for workers and immigrants' rights. There's all sorts of info online where you can find which streets are closed and how to avoid being inconvenienced, but if you haven't figured things out by now...

I feel a little guilty about not marching this year. You see, I'm a naturalized citizen, an immigrant, a 1.5-er. I'm in-between the first generation, those born in another country who immigrated to the U.S. as adults, and the second generation, those born in the U.S. of immigrant parents. I was born in the Philippines and my parents emigrated legally to the U.S. when I was a child. I understand how difficult it was for my parents to emigrate and what a difference it's made in my world, but I still feel a little disconnected. I don't speak with an accent and most of my pop culture references are American. I understand my native language of Tagalog, but don't speak it fluently. I'm thoroughly westernized, but as I get older I realize how much I am influenced by my Asian roots and less by American mores.

I marched last year, does that count? Adam isn't around to march with us this year, he's still traveling around the world. I know that's not an excuse. And I miss Lucas, too.

I don't think this march is going to make as much of an impact (positive or negative), or be as effective as last year's marches. You know what, never mind. Don't look back. Jeez, I just re-read what I was blogging about two years ago. Sometimes, it's better to look forward.

the bitch is back

My second favorite dive bar, Shinsho Tei, is in Honolulu, at the intersection of Nuuanu and School. And every time I go there, it's Tranny Night. Now that I think about it, Cole's, which was my favorite dive bar, has been sold and is currently closed for renovation, so I guess Shinsho Tei is now my favorite dive bar.

Cousin Angel and I remembered that the last time we were there, my sister Laura was with us. The regulars at the bar were hard to win over, but we did, and we closed down the place doing it. That night's tranny was a masculine 6'1 with broad shoulders and barrel-chested, wearing a pink mini-dress and a red hibiscus tucked into his long dark hair.

As soon as my cousin G, Lisa and Teegan showed up, we all toasted Laura, then did shots and flipped through the books to see what we'd sing that night. I guess I can forget singing the Pussycat Dolls' hit, Don't Cha - the tranny in the booth next to us is already singing it, and putting a new spin to it, "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me... don't cha,", and in case you missed his/her viewpoint, it came complete with illuminating dance moves.

Cousin Angel is in rare form, jeez, he's on fire. I don't remember what his first few numbers were, but our group and the regulars are loving it. Thanks to him, we won over the tough crowd early. I think I sang Carole King's I Feel The Earth Move, but then it was Cousin Angel's turn again and he sang The Bitch Is Back. He tore the place apart. One of the trannies in the house got up and started dancing and singing with him, "I'm the bitch, I'm the bitch!"Angel uploaded the video, the most hilarious being us singing along on certain parts and laughing our asses off.



After his triumphant performance, Cousin Angel started talking to everyone, people at the bar and from other tables and booths, but mostly to the tranny and company in the booth next to us. Then the moment happened - they asked for our names. Cousin Angel and I forgot to have that conversation in the car beforehand - after all, what happens in Honolulu stays in Honolulu, right? We couldn't tell them our real names, but we didn't come up with our aliases beforehand. So Cousin Angel did his best, telling them, "I'm Angel FuckMeInTheButt and this is my cousin, Celia EatMyAssOut." Did I mention that he still had the mic in his hand?

Shinsho Tei
1613 Nuuanu Ave
Honolulu, HI 96817
(808) 528-1007

it's not dolores, but it rhymes with another female body part

I recently read on Ed's blog that Pastagina will be opening up in the retail space at the Hikari Apartments in Little Tokyo. Are you kidding me? Pastagina? Mama mia, that's hilarious. Yeah, that just puts me in the mood to eat pasta. How's the putanesca? I hear the marinara is so good, you want to be ears deep in it. Jeez, that's even better than going to Angelique and ordering an Orangina (especially since they switched to Arranciata), or eating at the Pink Taco.

I know, I'm a child.

Pastagina opens in Little Tokyo in May 2007, with both their Third & Grand and Hope and 9th stores opening Summer 2007.

rolling through downtown

Check out this trailer for 1st and Hope, a film about an afternoon spent skateboarding through downtown Los Angeles, from 1st and Hope to the Staples Center. Yes, I'm procrastinating. Okay, I'll go back to rewriting my screenplay now.

downtown dog owners beware!

I read the craziest thing over at newdowntown - first there was this:

"Dear New Downtowners,

Please keep an eye on your dog when walking him/her in the downtown area. Apparently, there are a couple guys who are making accusations towards dog owners saying they "stole" their dog and are demanding that the dog be returned to them. They say their dog jumped out of the window of their car and then say you are taking the dog. They even go so far as to call the police. Please be very careful when leaving your dog - even for a minute - while you pop into a store or run in for a
coffee."

Kind regards,
Nancy-Jean Carlson, Owner
Pet Project,
Downtown's Exclusive Pet Food Home Delivery Service

Then, from Joe (you know Joe, he's always walking his beautiful dog Ruby around 4th and Main) comes this horrifying story:

"Thank you for posting the warning, Nancy-Jean.

Unfortunately, I was a victim of the two Hispanic guys yesterday (4-25). I was returning home from a dog walk around 4:30 pm with my bull terrier Ruby when they confronted me on the street at 6th and Main and tried to take Ruby away from me.

A police car stopped and the men told the police I took Ruby from their car. The police believed the men! One cop asked me how old Ruby is. I told him 9 years old. He told me that Ruby is two years old. "That is not your dog," one cop told me. "You have to return their dog."

I was pushed against the parking lot fence and handcuffed. Then I was placed in a police car while Ruby remained with the two men.

The officers were abusive. They asked me if I was under the influence of medication and if I wanted a white dog just like one I had when I was little.

I finally convinced them (after much begging) to take me to the San Fernando Building to establish the fact that Ruby is mine. Another cop car arrived and stayed with the men and my dog. One cop said "coo coo" the whole two block trip home. They also referred to the cardboard box they thought I lived in.

Things changed when I reached home. The building security guard, neighbors, the management crew, business owners (including Nancy-Jean) and Tom Gilmore and Trish Keefer all vouched for me and Ruby. The other cops brought the two men and Ruby to the building and everyone identified her. A third cop car later arrived. The handcuffs were finally removed and Ruby was returned to me.

Despite all of that, though, I still had to take the two cops to my unit to show them proof that I live with a dog. Then later they returned to take pictures of Ruby and me together.

I have filed a complaint against the two cops and I am going to meet with them and the head of Central Division on Monday afternoon. I was abused by those two cops and I will do my best to make them accountable for their bad behavior.

...and the two men? They were turned loose and could still possibly be around the area. Other dog walkers should wisely take Nancy-Jean's warning to heart."

Joe

As a former dog owner (Flagg passed away in 2004 after 13+ wonderful years) and fan of Ruby (we ran into them often when Jim lived at the San Fernando), I was sick when I read of Joe's encounter with the police and wish him the best of luck on Monday when he meets with the head of Central Division. I shudder to think that the two men were left free to prey on other dog-owners. Be careful out there!

downtown filming, downtown blogs

I read Ed and Eric's posts re new rules for downtown filming available on the FilmLA website. I love that I can get my essential info on downtown living from downtown blogs rather than the Downtown News or any other traditional media source. But there is still a lot of helpful information that I don't see covered and I know I'm guilty of not posting the most useful stuff or the most hilarious gossip anymore. I promise, more good stuff to come and less of my Hello Kitty obsession. Jeez, I did it again. Where was I? Oh yeah, back to filming downtown. Damn, that simulated gunfire from the film crew down the street is loud.

Eric states on blogdowntown (and I heartily agree), "Aside from the PDF making it sound like Film LA is making these changes of their own free will, the rules are a good start toward making filming a better neighbor. "

It is a very good start and I'm so appreciative of DLANC's Residential Committee for all they've done to make this happen and for their continued efforts. Special thanks to Benjamin Pezzillo, Bert Green and Ginny Marie Case.

But I have to laugh at Ed's theory, "I think it has something to do with Downtown being the '3rd "bloggiest' neighborhood." Hey, weren't we just talking about that after that residential meeting? Ed suggested that we have a picnic or barbecue for all downtown bloggers. I think we should have a meet-up at Lost Souls for all downtown bloggers and the people who read them. Anybody interested in going to that?

Here's an interesting viewpoint- I read this blog post re the ACLU, the cleaning up of Skid Row and downtown development. This woman's take on things is titled, " How the Supreme Court killed downtown Los Angeles". Why can't the Downtown News run articles like this instead of the same old rah-rah real estate stories?

then christ spoke to us

The plan was to drive around Oahu, stopping at all the yummy places to eat and maybe burn off some calories at a few of the beaches along the way. We had already gorged ourselves on malasadas from Leonard's the day before - original sugar as well as the pineapple custard-filled, haupia-filled, chocolate-filled, and sugar and cinnamon malasadas. I don't remember what we did after that.


Jim's first malasada

Jim and I waited outside the Waikiki Banyan for my brother Angel and Cousin Angel. I was surprised to see my mom sitting in the minivan as it pulled up. She wanted to go on the culinary tour of the island as well. I guess we had to watch our language and couldn't get too raunchy. Then Cousin Angel pointed out "The Semen Tree" where he lost his virginity, a bush where he made out with a cute Portuguese guy and other familiar-looking flora. I looked back at my mom - no reaction. She might be used to tuning us out by now.

It was a little cloudy when we left Waikiki and headed for Hawaii Kai for our first stop - Zippy's, "Hawaii's favorite foods". By the time we pulled into the parking lot, it was raining steadily. No worries, this is Hawaii after all - it rains, but it will soon pass.

I felt a little twinge when I ordered the same thing I always get - Loco Moco. It was really good, but I was eyeing Angel's Chili Moco - Zippy's has good chili and rice, what was I thinking? The skies cleared and I posited, "Every time we stop to eat, the rain stops. We should stop more." I pledged to get something new at the next culinary stop to make up for my early mistake. We drove up Kamehameha Highway towards Hanauma Bay.

We noticed the traffic cones blocking the entrance before we saw the sign, "Hanauma Bay closed on Tuesdays." Oh well, on to Sandy Beach. It was raining pretty steadily now. It didn't look like we'd be burning off any calories today. We drove past Sea Life Park and up the windward coast.

"Hey, didn't Cousin Minnie work at Sea Life Park when she was in college?"

"Yeah, she was a dolphin trainer."

"Didn't she quit because a dolphin went crazy and attacked her?"

"I thought it tried to have sex with her."

Then Angel, Cousin Angel, and I tried to outdo each other for the next few miles of amazing scenery with gross jokes about "Flipper del Banco", our cousin's half-dolphin love-child. I snuck a look at my mom sitting behind us in the mini-van. Still no reaction.

We passed by the Polynesian Cultural Center and had exhausted all dolphin jokes and tired of dolphin impressions. The beaches were rained out and we were almost to our next culinary stop, the shrimp trucks on the northwest side of the island. I could almost taste the garlic butter shrimp. We would have forged ahead, but my mom finally spoke up, "I need the restroom." Cousin Angel spotted the Mormon Temple on the opposite side of the road and suggested we turn around, use their facilities, and check out their Visitor's Center. I felt Angel resisting. He had to turn the van around on this two-lane stretch of Kamehameha Highway to go back. To the Mormon Temple. I should've heeded his instincts.

We got out of the mini-van and walked around the fountains, towering fan palms and lush gardens surrounding the Temple.

I looked around, then behind me at Cousin Angel, Jim and my mom. Someone was missing. "Where's Angel?"

Jim volunteered, "He's still back at the car."

"He said he didn't need to use the restrooms," added Cousin Angel.

"I need the restroom," my mom reminded me.

We made our way to the Visitor's Center. It was bright outside and I couldn't see inside. Cousin Angel opened the door for me and I led everyone inside. It took a split-second for me to realize, but I froze in my tracks the second I saw the ginormous statue of Jesus in the lobby. I tried to back up, but everyone else piled in behind me. Too late, we were sighted. A cute/creepy Asian girl in a blue muumuu approached us, "Aloha. Welcome to the Visitor's Center. Would you like to watch a short presentation on Jesus Christ? I love him so much."

I stammered and looked to my mom for help. The tour guide saw our hesitation, "It's very short, just a few minutes." Then my mom spoke up again, "I need the restroom."

Hallelujah! "I need to go too," I added and we all broke for the restrooms. Except for Angel, who was still at the car. There was no one in the ladies' room except for me and my mom, but we still didn't dare to speak freely. I wanted to ask her how we could get the hell out of there, but then another tour guide in a blue muumuu followed us into the restroom. We made it out to the Jesus statue and saw that Jim was on his feet, ready to bolt, but Cousin Angel was holding literature and sitting with creepy Asian chick. She got up, motioned for us to sit, and hit a button behind the Jesus statue. The lights dimmed slightly and Jesus spoke, "Hello, I am Jesus... "

Have you ever been to the Hall of Presidents on Main Street at Disneyland? The one where an animatronic Abraham Lincoln sits and talks with the audience? It was kind of like that except creepier and Jesus didn't move and he was something like 20 feet tall. Mercifully, the creepy Asian chick didn't lie about the length of time. As soon as Jesus stopped talking, we lept to our feet. Creepy Asian chick asked if we wanted to take the rest of the tour. Cousin Angel, quick thinker that he is, offered, "We have to hurry up and catch up with the rest of our group."

Just then, Angel walks into the Visitor's Center. I almost laughed out loud when I saw he had the same reaction I did, that recognizable "Oh shit," look and a small backward step towards the door to escape. I hoped he didn't need to use the restroom and added, "Oh there's our driver. Sorry, we have to go."

We all walked out rather quickly and I waited until what I thought was a safe distance before I asked Cousin Angel, "How creepy was that?" Cousin Angel stiffened and whispered, "She's right behind us."

I turned to see the creepy Asian chick had followed us out and was walking with us across the grounds to our car. I stopped and she thrust a piece of paper and pen in my hand, asking for my contact information. I shook my head, "No, thank you," and walked away. She stood there, waving goodbye to us as I we piled into the car. If Angel had been in there with us, I suspect the mini-van would've pealed out of the parking lot.

We tried to laugh the creepiness off of us, so we made all sorts of bad religion jokes as we sped away. It was raining slightly, but we saw it in the distance, the first shrimp truck. We weren't that hungry, but we figured we'd split a few plates and Angel could use the facilities. Warily, he asked, "Do I have to listen to Jesus to use this restroom?"

I joked, "No, it's a Buddhist bathroom."

Two garlic butter shrimp plates later, the rain subsided and we were on our way to the North shore and shave ice at Matsumoto's. Or was it Ted's Pies? I forget which came first, just that we were on an insane sugar high. We ended things with a late visit to the Dole Plantation on the way back. We planned on hitting that Chinese-style shave ice place in Aeia, but we were late for dinner at my aunt's house.

On our way back to Waikiki, we noticed a sign at all the bus stops along Kuhio, "Hanauma Bay is closed on Tuesdays." The signs were there all along, we just had to notice them.

left behind

I had a great time in Hawaii, but I am so glad to be back home in Los Angeles. Jim and I arrived yesterday morning and I've already had a conversation with the manager of the resort we stayed at in Poipu, Kauai. First, I identified myself. Then I quickly got to the point of my call.

"...I was a guest last weekend and I inadvertently left some items in our room."

The friendly woman in the other end cheerily replied, "I can check with housekeeping. Which room were you in?"

"Room 2303."

I heard her tapping on a keyboard. "Okay, what did you leave behind?"

"I left a Hawaiian-print dress on top of the hamper in the bedroom facing the ocean."

"What color?"

"It had a black background, with ivory and red hibiscus flowers."

More tapping.

"Okay. What else?"

I hesitated.

"Pink and black Hello Kitty panties. I left both the dress and the panties on top of the hamper in the closet."

She was quiet on the other end, no tapping on the keyboard.

Carefully, she asked, "Hello Kitty panties?"

"Yes," I laughed, "Pink and black, Hello Kitty."

I heard her laugh, then tap something out. "Okay, I'll check with housekeeping and call you right back."

Minutes later, she calls me back.

"I talked to housekeeping. They found the dress and sent it out to be dry-cleaned. I can mail it out to you as soon as it comes back from the cleaners."

"Great!" I exclaimed.

"Unfortunately, they didn't find your Hello Kitty panties."


Picture of the missing dress. I'm wearing the missing panties in this picture. Photo taken by Angel

Ten Illegal Things I Found on Jim's Computer

OK, I cannot tell a lie. I didn't find anything illegal. But not for lack of trying!

Then again, I'm not 100 percent sure this is Jim's and not Celia's computer I'm on. All I know is that I'm a bit of an interloper here, not having asked permission to use this Mac before our dynamic duo fled the nest.

Guys? Do ya mind?

Anyway -- The week has wizzed by and we have already eased on down to Saturday. Wish I had a camera to capture Poppy, crashed out under this spectacular city view. Hate to tear her away from it, but alas, our sojourn in this urban paradise is winding to a close. Tomorrow, this trio will be making its way to the Jewel of Hollywood.

Jim, Celia, do you know how good you have it here?

I think you do.