Saturday, September 10, 2005

hawaii postponed

I'm still in Los Angeles and I don't know what to do with myself. Laura's funeral in Hawaii has been postponed due to problems with permits. I have no idea when I'm flying out to Hawaii, no idea when Laura can be placed in her final resting place, and no idea when I'm coming back.

I'm okay. This past Thursday I slept for the first time in I don't know how long. I had been waking up with that fuzzy, cotton-mouth that you get when sleep is induced rather than achieved naturally, but it's getting better. If I concentrate on Laura's memorial service at Adam's instead of the awful religious ceremonies that my parents guilted Laura into before she died, I'll be okay.

There was a reception after the mass on Wednesday, I headed straight for the bar at the Knights of Columbus Hall. It wasn't Cole's, but I didn't want to sit in that tacky fluorescent-lit hall filled with people who didn't even know Laura. Okay, I didn't head straight for the bar. I headed straight for the ladies' room for a relaxing smoke. Then I sat in that bar with James for hours, drinking and trying to ignore the idiocy around us.

Afterwards, James wanted to watch a stupid movie so we could not think about everything for just a little while. So Lynn took James and me to see The Brothers Grimm at the Arclight. We got there just in time for previews, but Lynn and James wanted popcorn and soda. I was so glad they missed the previews, the first one was for Corpse Bride and the last one was for The Exorcism of Emily Rose, neither one anything that James would have responded well to. I just shut my eyes and went to my quiet place. The bourbon took its toll and James fell asleep for everything but the last 20 minutes. I was, unfortunately and despite all the alcohol and controlled substances, wide awake for most of it. Afterwards we sat at the bar, drinking and debating whether we should watch The 40-Year Old Virgin. But we opted to go home and medicate ourselves even further.

The cousins have gone home and my friends needed a break so I've been alone the past few nights. I think needed a break as well, back to solitude and what life was like before. Then my psychic told me that I shouldn't spend so much time by myself, that I should be around friends. James told me last night at Cole's that it doesn't take a psychic to figure that out. What I am trying to figure out is what to do with myself now that Laura doesn't need me anymore.


Angel ABC said...

The Corpse Bride, my God. That's right up there with the paraplegic and the wig. Thanks for the update. I know I could just probably call you too (and I will), but I feel that this way, you can check my thoughts out at your leisure. I'm also digging the blog talk and it helps me to get back to the computer to do more school work. I hope everyone's hanging in there regarding the Hawaii piece. I'm looking for those photos of Laura and me at Hanauma Bay. I'll scan them and get copies to you. Hang in there.

jim said...

being alone for two nights is "so much time"? good grief.

(but i also vote for being around friends. my standards about too much time alone are obviously skewed.)