Monday, May 09, 2005

shaking that ass

My sister got married this past Saturday to my former roommate. Thursday night we went to the best strip club in Los Angeles, Sam's Hofbrau, with her two other bridesmaids, Chuck and John, and John's girlfriend Paloma. I was surprised to learn that Laura had never been to a strip club before and everyone involved wanted to make sure it was a great first experience for her.

If Cole's had strippers, then it would be like Sam's. I've been to a few strip clubs before, but Sam's is like being in a rap video. There were guys literally throwing bills at girls and slapping asses with abandon. I was afraid I'd get whiplash from my attempts to take in all the action happening around us. In the booth behind us, a table dance lasted the entire time we were in the club. She parted this guy's hair down the middle using only her thong. It was as if he were Alfalfa from Little Rascals with the cowlick in his hair and she was trying to smooth it down. Although there were some talented girls on the stage and the surrounding booths, she was mesmerizing in how thorough she was.

Another dancer had a red sequined bikini with red lights on her nipples, blinking, as if she were signaling a plane to come in for a landing. She took the stage and everyone who wasn't in the middle of a lap dance sat up and paid attention. Chuck whispered reverentially, "Those are real."

A couple booths away, another table dance caught my attention. Those tables must be bolted down solid. She was on her back when suddenly, she lifted her legs over her head and wrapped them around a guy's head, lifting her ass and lower back off the table. His face was buried in her day-glo neon thong, and she moved in time to Prince's "Sexy Motherfucker". This dancer had incredible muscle control, it was truly impressive. I just don't understand how he was able to breathe. He didn't pass out from lack of oxygen, so I guess he worked around things.

Laura, Chuck, and Paloma took some seats ringside to check out one dancer's pole work up close. She was Chuck's favorite. John and I stayed in the booth, but we had a great vantage point to see all that was happening. The dancer looked like Shakira, a double-jointed one. She saw the bouquet and crown that Paloma made for Laura and congratulated her on getting married. Two hugs, a kiss on the cheek and a bite on Laura's ear soon followed. I wasn't sure of what I saw, so I turned to John to ask, "Did she just plant her vagina on Laura's face?" but before I could, John laughed loudly and asked, "Did you see that?!" Good times.

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