Thursday, November 30, 2006

my bachelorette party

My fiance Jim doesn't want strippers at his bachelor party, nor does he want to hit a strip club. I know, I don't understand it either. But I'm getting ahead of the story, let me back up. Let's talk about the groomsmen.

Jim's best man is his younger brother, Jeff. They're both on the shy, quiet side. My brother Angel is also a groomsman. He's not shy, very outgoing, actually. But he's a Bible-thumper and completely guileless. Rounding out the group is my brother-in-law, James. He's a very quiet, talented, and sensitive artist. He's got books like I got tunes, shoes and issues - plenty. Do you see where I'm getting at here? If I let these guys walk into a strip club without me, they're gonna get fleeced.

So I suggested, that we combine the bachelor and bachelorette parties and together, we'd all hit Sam's Hofbrau, the best strip club in Los Angeles. Yes, better than Jumbo's Clown Room, even better than The Gold Room in Atlanta (damn I miss making Internet-boom-era cash) - though there is considerable talent to be found in those other places as well. I wish I could compare it to The Great Alaskan Bush Company, but I just remembered that Jim's mom reads my blog. Hi Janice, please skip to the next paragraph. I think I've said it before, if Cole's had strippers, you'd be at Sam's. I saw this chick, who, during a table dance, used her hoo-hoo to part her customer's hair. I sat in the booth across from him and it looked like her ass was gonna swallow his head. So you can understand why I heartily recommend Sam's.

Jim went along with that plan for a while. But during my bridal shower weekend a while back, he admitted that he had no desire to hit a strip club, whether the parties were combined or not. So now the parties have been separated and Jim's party will be a stripper-free zone. Do you see how I did that, how we're back to Jim not wanting strippers at his bachelor part? So now I wrap it up.

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do for my bachelorette party, besides having both genders represented. Strip club? Drunkfest at a local watering hole or private venue? Group colon hydrotherapy? Spa weekend? Feel free to leave suggestions in the comments. A couple of you have already emailed me (I'm looking at you, generalurko, drugbuddy and burtbaccarat) with party questions, but suggest something here again and anyways. Love ya, mean it.


Shannon said...

i'm always a big fan of hotel figueroa...and i believe it was there that i gave you jim's number and said "you call him!" when you wanted him to come partay with us...just a thought.

celia said...

Blogger is giving some of you problems with comments, so here are generalurko's comments:

I vote for the above - holding your bachelorette party at a swanky hotel or restaurant (other than Swingers or Chuck E. Cheese's) that has some sentimental value to the both of you or perhaps some literary connection to a book/author you enjoy. Have you ever been to Old Town in San Diego? That's a great
place to kick back on a grand patio with an oversized margarita. Or how about at Cole's? Can't they do something special for you guys? You've virtually put them
back on the map ("virtually"...get it? that's some computer humor...) .

I can empathize with Jim's lack of enthusiasm for the titty bars. The
one time I went to one - during a bachelor party for an old friend from high school - I left as soon as I could because the whole thing was depressing. And believe me (or the girls I've dated), I'm no prude in the sex department. The
breasts on those girls looked as fake as the hair on the geezers in trenchcoats watching them. It was kind of sad and pathetic - more sleazy than sexy, more off-putting than arousing. Or at least the strip club we went to was -
Girls on Sunset and La Brea. What an effin' dive!

If all else fails, how about one of those downtown L.A. rooftop parties you're always crowing about? At the Standard? Or at your friend's loft or wherever?

Hope that helps. Thanks for the shout-out in your blog. I wish you guys all the best in reaching a consensus....this decision better not break you guys up!

P.S. If whatever your event is open to your extended bloggership, I'd like to attend. I'm charming (in person only), I'm really good at drinking alcohol. And I'll be really, really envious if I have to read about one more ding-dang
roof party that I didn't get invited to!

celia said...

Kitty couldn't post her comments either, so she said:

Hotel Figueroa first, then Sam's Hofbrau afterwards.

celia said...

Miss Reena didn't post her comments and emailed them to me instead. She wrote:


Yeah, that'd be a hell of a party.

Shelton Sales said...
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